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Faith & Values: How do we move forward in the midst of pain?

Have you ever received a phone call that turned your world upside down? Perhaps it was the call to inform you that you did not make the team. It may have been the call to let you know a loved one passed away. Recently, friends of ours received a call to alert them that their house was on fire. They arrived only to find three to four fire trucks surrounding their home, which had been devastated by the flames.

Everyone experiences pain in this life. It may be a pinch or a crunch, but sometimes it can be crushing. Pain is a part of life, and we cannot escape it. So how do we make sense of it? As a counselor, I sit with people every day who face pain and hardship. It may be the pain of divorce, job loss, chronic illness, the death of a loved one or the existential pain of living in a broken world where we see hatred, cruelty and war. Does pain serve a purpose? How do we move forward in the midst of pain?

My thoughts about pain come from my own life experience, but also from the stories of others who have encountered pain and shared their journeys with me. My own reading from scripture as well as from various books on the subject have helped me keep a few principles in mind that have proved useful to me along the way.

I have learned that pain is a great motivator. At times, we may feel stuck in habits, difficult relationships or jobs, but it is often pain that drives us to do something different. We seek help. Pain is a wake-up call. It gets our attention. The ache or pain in our body leads us to seek medical attention. We feel emotional or relational pain and we seek counseling. Pain can lead us to lean into our faith in God to give us strength and courage to go on.

I have come to realize that there is no painless way to do painful things. We cannot go around pain or over it, we have to go through it. The good news is that while there is a pain that leads to more pain, there is also pain that leads to healing. We may go through surgery and experience more pain and discomfort temporarily, but we know that in the end we will feel better, stronger, whole.

If we ignore the pain and let it fester and grow, we may experience more pain with no end in sight. There is a pain that leads to healing, but you have to go through it. We tolerate some pain today to avoid more pain down the road. The Psalmist reminds us, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”

While we may not choose pain, we do have some choices about how to move forward. Is this pain a real threat or an imaginary threat? What can we do about it? Often times we look for a quick fix. We want to escape the pain without thinking about the future impact. What will this look like a year from now? In the long run, short cuts may only bring more pain. Thinking through our options may help us see a better path forward. Even though some choices may bring more pain today, future pain can be prevented.

Perhaps one of the blessings of pain is that it leads us to seek out others who can walk with us and provide guidance. A support group, a friend, a family member may help us see things in a new way. It can be comforting to have someone who can journey with us. In our communities of faith, we find strength in knowing that God is with us even as we “walk through the valley of the shadow of death.” Our connection with God and others can strengthen us.

In times of pain and suffering, I find myself looking for hope. Where is the crack in the sidewalk, or the break in the darkness where light comes through? Where is hope in the midst of pain and suffering? If I look at pain from a different angle or ask a curious question, my perspective can change. I may be able to move forward in a different way.

In her book “Almost Everything: Notes on Hope,” Anne Lamott writes, “Some days there seems to be little reason for hope, in our families, cities, and world. Well, except for almost everything. The seasons change, a bone mends, Santa Rosa builds after the fire. In the days after a cataclysmic school shooting, thousands of students took to the streets and the public squares. They got us back up onto our feet and changed our world.”

Lamott reminds us that whatever pain we face, we will come through somehow. “Against all odds, no matter what we’ve lost, no matter what messes we’ve made over time, no matter how dark the night, we offer and are offered kindness, soul, light, and food, which create breath and spaciousness, which create hope, sufficient unto the day.”

The Rev. Becky Glass is executive director at the Peninsula Pastoral Counseling Center in Newport News. She can be reached by email at beglass@peninsulapastoral.org.