Moira Macdonald | (TNS) The Seattle Times
It’s officially summer, which means it is officially Holing Up Indoors Avoiding the Heat season for many of us. And that means we’re in need of some mindless yet entertaining romantic comedies.
OK, fine, twist my arm; here are five new/newish streaming ones, rated from one heart to five and filled with cute outfits, enviable interior decoration and questionable life lessons. Enjoy!
“PLAYERS”
(Netflix; 105 minutes)
The premise: Mack (Gina Rodriguez) is a sports writer for the Brooklyn Ace who loves to facilitate one-night stands by running elaborate “plays” with several colleagues, including handsome Adam (Damon Wayans Jr.) — though it’s obvious to anyone not blindfolded that Adam is very much in love with Mack and her impressive assortment of bare-midriff tops. Regardless, Mack decides she wants to pursue a real relationship with a war correspondent named Nick (Tom Ellis), because he’s hot and why not, and of course the guys help her to trick him into this, in ways that seem so very much more complicated than just saying, “Hey, would you like to have dinner with me?” But hey, this is Rom-Com Land and the rules are complex.
The setting: New York and its boroughs, looking at their very “When Harry Met Sally” cutest.
The chemistry: In the grand rom-com tradition, the air practically melts between Mack and Adam the very first time we see them together, and you wonder why their motley group of friends and co-workers isn’t constantly screaming, “WHY ARE YOU TWO NOT TOGETHER ALREADY, OMG!” I screamed it, at my TV, but nobody heard me. Seriously, Rodriguez and Wayans are absolutely adorable, particularly when they get all dressed up in outfits that no journalist could ever afford and go to a swanky soiree, and probably should launch an entire rom-com franchise in which they cutely use sports metaphors.
The other people: There are some, namely Nick and Claire (Ego Nwodim), who are Mack and Adam’s dates for an extremely awkward brunch that’s basically Mack and Adam bonding over their mutual dislike of whole branzino (and doesn’t that sound exactly like a “When Harry Met Sally” outtake?). A couple of Brooklyn Ace colleagues are also hanging around all the time, assisting with the plays and commenting from the sidelines like a scruffy Greek chorus, but I never did catch their names; they’re basically plot devices.
The life lessons learned: If your adorable co-worker is in love with you, have the decency to love them back. And maybe don’t order the branzino.
Rating: 4 hearts
“MOTHER OF THE BRIDE”
(Netflix; 90 minutes)
The premise: World-renowned geneticist Lana Winslow (Brooke Shields) is distressed upon finding out a) that her rather tiresome daughter Emma (Miranda Cosgrove) is engaged and planning an immediate influencer wedding in Thailand, and b) Emma’s fiance R.J. (Sean Teale) is actually the son of Lana’s long-ago flame Will (Benjamin Bratt). And … seriously, I’m writing this an hour after watching this movie and I can’t remember what else happens, except that I kept hoping that Shields, who seems to have some sort of rider in her contract requiring that all her Netflix movies involve world travel, might just hop on back to her castle in Scotland to sulk. (See “ A Castle for Christmas,” which is much more fun than this movie. Or see “Ticket to Paradise,” the Julia Roberts/George Clooney comedy from a couple of years back, which is basically “Mother of the Bride” but better.)
The setting: A lavish resort in Phuket, Thailand, where the women wear flowing dresses and the men wear linen shorts and nobody ever gets sunburned. In other words, typical rom-com fantasy.
The chemistry: Ouch. There is absolutely no reason to root for Lana and Will, who seem to have nothing in common except their picture-perfect/very dull children and a tendency to look a bit embarrassed when delivering lines like “I am so impressed by your engagement numbers.”
The other people: Shields has much more chemistry with a character delightfully referred to as Sexy Doogie Howser (Chad Michael Murray), a handsome doctor who’s randomly hanging around the resort by himself. Lana, however, does much to douse said chemistry by commenting, “I have underwear older than he is.” TMI, Lana.
The life lessons learned: To avoid unpleasant surprises, ask your kid who they’re marrying before you show up at the venue.
Rating: 1.5 hearts
“AM I OK?”
(Max; 86 minutes)
The premise: Lucy (Dakota Johnson) is 32 and in a transitional, confusing period in her life: Her best friend Jane (Sonoya Mizuno) is moving overseas, her dreams of being an artist seem to have fizzled, and she’s finding herself attracted to women — specifically, her flirty co-worker Brittany (Kiersey Clemons). It’s a rom-com — there’s plenty of dating — with emphasis on the rom, and on Lucy’s personal journey.
The setting: Los Angeles, filled with yoga classes, posh wellness spas (Lucy works at one, but honestly she doesn’t seem to actually do anything), “hammock sanctuaries,” and people saying things like, “I was going to meditate with the view but then I started making a mood board on Pinterest.”
The chemistry: Alas, Johnson plays Lucy with one note: the same sort of vaguely detached, low-energy murmuring that she brought to “Madame Web” and the “Fifty Shades” series, both of which I am still recovering from. You wonder why the much more dynamic Jane puts up with Lucy, whose cute slouchy hats have more personality than she does, and who has a weird way of saying lines like, “Do you have a lot of … pants?” like she’s playing a very slow round of Mad Libs. Things perk up a bit by the charming final scene — I wouldn’t quite call it chemistry, but at least it was something — but I mostly watched this movie thinking how much better it would have been with someone more vivid (say, Mizuno, delightful as Jane) in the central role.
The other people: Tig Notaro (who co-directed “Am I OK?” with Stephanie Allynne) steals the movie in a two-minute role as the facilitator of the aforementioned hammock sanctuary (“The hammock is our vulva,” she croons); Sean Hayes is reliably funny as Jane’s over-it boss.
The life lessons learned: Be open to life change at the ripe old age of 32; be nice to your best friend, even if she’s moving away; approach hammock sanctuaries with caution.
Rating: 2.5 hearts
“UPGRADED”
(Prime Video; 104 minutes)
The premise: Ana (Camila Mendes) is an intern at a posh art-auction company who, after getting upgraded on a work trip to London and downing a few glasses of free Champagne on the plane, allows her handsome seatmate William (Archie Renaux) to think that she’s the boss of her company. But guess what — turns out his mother (Lena Olin) is a super-rich art collector in need of some auctioning! Some very rom-com, “Devil Wears Prada”-ish scrambling ensues.
The setting: Mostly London, which allows for some beautiful historic buildings, views of London Bridge and William Morris wallpaper.
The chemistry: It’s decent! Mendes and Renaux are rather charming together, particularly when she calls him “Downton Abbey” and he responds with “I’m more of a ‘Bridgerton’ man.” One could quibble that these two characters are perhaps not the swiftest — would he really think that Ana, who appears to be in her early 20s, would be the head of a vast New York office, and doesn’t he wonder why she carries her own suitcases and makes her own reservations? And wouldn’t Ana figure out, before swiping her boss’ gown and going to a society party, that her boss and some photographers would also be there? But the movie’s cute enough to let that slide.
The other people: Marisa Tomei, speaking in an absolutely unclassifiable accent (sort of Italian put through a blender), marches hilariously through this movie with one raised eyebrow as the Miranda Priestly-ish boss, dispensing useful wisdom to Ana on her London visit: “Don’t sleep with anyone who looks like Jude Law.” I also enjoyed Ana’s sister’s fiance (Ana lives with them, in their too-small New York apartment) warning her about Londoners, with “their big clocks and their pirate accents.”
The life lessons learned: Do not lie to handsome men seated next to you on trans-Atlantic flights. On the other hand, maybe do — it works out fine for Ana in the end.
Rating: 3.5 hearts
“A FAMILY AFFAIR”
(Netflix; 114 minutes)
The premise: Zara (Joey King) is trying to get a toehold in the movie industry by working as an assistant to egotistical movie star Chris Cole (Zac Efron), but gets more drama than she bargained for when her widowed mother Brooke (Nicole Kidman) begins a relationship with Chris. This is particularly cringe-y when Zara, who’s living with her mom to save money, barges right in on the two of them in bed and ends up with a really quite funny head injury, as one would.
The setting: Hollywood, a mysterious land where Brooke, a supposedly acclaimed writer who nonetheless seems to spend all of her time not writing, lives in the most lavish and picture-perfect seaside home you could possibly imagine (seriously, it makes a Nancy Meyers movie set look low rent), and Chris lives in a modern mansion with a puzzlingly enormous front door, as if he’s expecting Chewbacca to drop by.
The chemistry: OK, so Chris comes to Brooke’s house looking for Zara, and walks right in when Brooke doesn’t answer his knock. And when she, irritated, asks if he always just lets himself in, he says, “Well, I’m famous, so …,” and if you could bottle the charm with which Efron delivers the line, you’d need a lot of bottles. Last seen together in 2012’s “The Paperboy,” a very strange movie that involved some creative treatment of a jellyfish sting, Efron and Kidman are basically adorable together, even though he gets all the good lines and she mostly just smiles at him. (Efron also at one point sings along to a Cher song and I thought my soul left my body, but in a good way.)
The other people: Kathy Bates does her Kathy Bates thing as Zara’s grandma, Liza Koshy gets a few good moments as Zara’s best friend Genie, and Sherry Cola is funny as Zara’s screenwriter friend who works as a closet organizer for rich people, which is my new dream career. But this movie’s mostly a three-hander with Brooke, Chris and puppy-cute Zara, who’s got a nice screwball delivery and a very effective, if somewhat overused, eye roll.
The life lessons learned: Knock on your mom’s bedroom door before entering.
Rating: 3.5 hearts
Moira’s guide to rom-coms streaming now
1 heart – Not even worth hate-watching
2 hearts – If there’s nothing else to watch, try this
3 hearts – Watchable, some semblance of plot
4 hearts – Cute, heartwarming
5 hearts – Cult classic
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