Traveling in South Korea this past week brought to mind the joys and challenges of living with “not-knowing.” Though I learned to say “hello” and “thank you,” not knowing the Korean language made reading signs and ordering from menus a real challenge. Even with the help of a translator app, some words still got lost in translation. One of our friends ordered what he thought was to be chicken only to discover he ordered a whole squid including tentacles. He actually found it to be quite delicious.
Not-knowing can add novelty and adventure to our lives and give us a break from our usual routines. At the same time, when it comes to important matters, not-knowing can lead to anxiety and sleepless nights. This may be especially true when it comes to decisions involving our life’s work.
Having served in campus ministry for several years prior to my pivot to pastoral care and counseling, I recall many conversations with students who were trying to figure out what to major in, whether to go to grad school or which career path to take. Being in a state of not-knowing was made even more difficult when they felt pressure from family and friends who had well-meaning advice.
In my work today, I also have opportunities to engage in conversations with people who are facing retirement with mixed emotions. They, too, find themselves in a state of not-knowing. In his book “On the Brink of Everything: Grace, Gravity, & Getting Old,” author and educator Parker Palmer writes about his own journey of life transitions and work.
“Our youth-oriented culture,” writes Palmer, “sends a message to elders that can discourage and defeat us: ‘It’s time to withdraw from serious engagement with a world that’s changing so rapidly you can’t possibly keep up. So, take up harmless hobbies and hang out at home.” The author is quick to point out that this is problematic because it not only “robs older folks of sources of vitality, meaning, and purpose,” but it also “robs the world of the gifts elders have to offer.”
At every age, adults will face major decisions and must live with the question of what to do next. Rather than feeling lazy, defeated, or frustrated while waiting for the clear pathway ahead, what if we actually saw periods of not-knowing as holy times, times of seeking, discovering. What if we welcomed times of not-knowing with humility, grace and courage?
American poet, Wendell Berry wrote a poem entitled “Real Work” where he describes our angst in this way:
It may be that when we no longer know what to dowe have come to our real work,and that when we no longer know which way to gowe have come to our real journey.The mind that is not baffled is not employed.The impeded stream is the one that sings.
His poem challenges us to consider the possibility that having more questions than answers may actually serve to strengthen our faith and courage. This was the story for Abraham and Sarah when they left their homeland Ur. It was Naomi and Ruth’s story when they experienced the sadness and grief of losing their husbands. Even Jesus’ disciples encountered many obstacles and periods of not-knowing, but by faith they followed. When Peter and James left their fishing nets, I imagine they had no idea what they would soon learn and discover along the way.
As I experienced the natural wonders and beauty of South Korea during my travels, I took delight in waterfalls and streams along my hiking trails. The water rushing over the rocks created soothing sounds that calmed my spirit. Truly, it is the “impeded stream that sings.” Maybe these times of not-knowing as “baffling” as we find them, could be “singing” to us and reminding us of an ever-present hope of hidden blessings yet to be revealed.
With Labor Day approaching, perhaps pausing to reflect on our real work will enable us to celebrate achievements, face ambiguity with courage and seek next steps with humility. There may just be a richness in the state of not-knowing after all.
The Rev. Becky Evans Glass is executive director at Peninsula Pastoral Counseling Center, Newport News. She can be reached by email at beglass@peninsulapastoral.org.
![If it were not for the efforts of a William & Mary president in the 1960s there would not have been a marine science program to benefit from the school’s recent largest financial gift. Davis Y. Paschall, president 1960-1971, was instrumental in the development of the substantial academic programs of the Virginia Institute of Marine Science (VIMS) at nearby Gloucester Point on the York River, The Virginia Fisheries Laboratory was established in 1940 as the Virginia Fisheries Laboratory as a joint effort between W&M and the Virginia Commission on Fisheries (now the Virginia Marine Resources Commission. It was initially organized […]](https://www.pilotonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/6SCYSOUXX5GSHC7UWSYZ2RSEAU.jpg?w=408 "If it were not for the efforts of a William & Mary president in the 1960s there would not have been a marine science program to benefit from the school’s recent largest financial gift. Davis Y. Paschall, president 1960-1971, was instrumental in the development of the substantial academic programs of the Virginia Institute of Marine Science (VIMS) at nearby Gloucester Point on the York River, The Virginia Fisheries Laboratory was established in 1940 as the Virginia Fisheries Laboratory as a joint effort between W&M and the Virginia Commission on Fisheries (now the Virginia Marine Resources Commission. It was initially organized […]")
