Everyone experiences pain in this life. It may be a pinch or a crunch, but sometimes it can be crushing. Pain is a part of life, and we cannot escape it. So how do we make sense of it? As a counselor, I sit with people every day who face pain and hardship. It may be the pain of divorce, job loss, chronic illness, the death of a loved one or the existential pain of living in a broken world where we see hatred, cruelty and war. Does pain serve a purpose? How do we move forward in the midst of pain?

My thoughts about pain come from my own life experience, but also from the stories of others who have encountered pain and shared their journeys with me. My own reading from scripture as well as from various books on the subject have helped me keep a few principles in mind that have proved useful to me along the way.

I have learned that pain is a great motivator. At times, we may feel stuck in habits, difficult relationships or jobs, but it is often pain that drives us to do something different. We seek help. Pain is a wake-up call. It gets our attention. The ache or pain in our body leads us to seek medical attention. We feel emotional or relational pain and we seek counseling. Pain can lead us to lean into our faith in God to give us strength and courage to go on.

I have come to realize that there is no painless way to do painful things. We cannot go around pain or over it, we have to go through it. The good news is that while there is a pain that leads to more pain, there is also pain that leads to healing. We may go through surgery and experience more pain and discomfort temporarily, but we know that in the end we will feel better, stronger, whole.

If we ignore the pain and let it fester and grow, we may experience more pain with no end in sight. There is a pain that leads to healing, but you have to go through it. We tolerate some pain today to avoid more pain down the road. The Psalmist reminds us, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”

While we may not choose pain, we do have some choices about how to move forward. Is this pain a real threat or an imaginary threat? What can we do about it? Often times we look for a quick fix. We want to escape the pain without thinking about the future impact. What will this look like a year from now? In the long run, short cuts may only bring more pain. Thinking through our options may help us see a better path forward. Even though some choices may bring more pain today, future pain can be prevented.

Perhaps one of the blessings of pain is that it leads us to seek out others who can walk with us and provide guidance. A support group, a friend, a family member may help us see things in a new way. It can be comforting to have someone who can journey with us. In our communities of faith, we find strength in knowing that God is with us even as we “walk through the valley of the shadow of death.” Our connection with God and others can strengthen us.

In times of pain and suffering, I find myself looking for hope. Where is the crack in the sidewalk, or the break in the darkness where light comes through? Where is hope in the midst of pain and suffering? If I look at pain from a different angle or ask a curious question, my perspective can change. I may be able to move forward in a different way.

In her book “Almost Everything: Notes on Hope,” Anne Lamott writes, “Some days there seems to be little reason for hope, in our families, cities, and world. Well, except for almost everything. The seasons change, a bone mends, Santa Rosa builds after the fire. In the days after a cataclysmic school shooting, thousands of students took to the streets and the public squares. They got us back up onto our feet and changed our world.”

Lamott reminds us that whatever pain we face, we will come through somehow. “Against all odds, no matter what we’ve lost, no matter what messes we’ve made over time, no matter how dark the night, we offer and are offered kindness, soul, light, and food, which create breath and spaciousness, which create hope, sufficient unto the day.”

The Rev. Becky Glass is executive director at the Peninsula Pastoral Counseling Center in Newport News. She can be reached by email at beglass@peninsulapastoral.org.

As the mother of two adult sons, I find myself amazed at how fast my children grew up. There are times when it seems like yesterday when I was walking with them to the bus stop, gathering art supplies for their school projects or watching them play baseball. Each stage of their development brought its share of joys and challenges.

It was not until I became a parent that I realized how much my own parents did for me. Though my mother and father have both passed away, I have fond memories of Dad teaching me how to ride a bike or Mom going on field trips with my class. I remember home-cooked meals, family vacations and birthday celebrations. Most of all, I remember that they instilled in me the importance of faith, family and education.

It is natural for most parents to parent their children the way they were parented. In some cases, parents may choose to do just the opposite of what their parents did. Overall, I imagine that every parent wants their children to be happy, healthy and well-adjusted. Parenting can be stressful at times, but without good role models, useful information or relational skills, parenting can be overwhelming.

No doubt parents face unique challenges rearing children in today’s fast-paced society. A 2024 State of Parenting Survey compiled by Littlebird Care, a digital health company, reported that “Safety remains paramount with 89.6% of parents concerned about their child’s well-being when out of sight.”

In addition, parents expressed concerns about bullying, peer pressure and mental health challenges. Faced with their own struggles with family/work balance, many parents reported financial stress and exhaustion. The rapid changes in technology have intensified concerns of the “countless risks and dangers online, including cyberbullying, exposure to inappropriate content, and identity theft.” Increased aggression in children, a sense of entitlement or diminished respect for others causes distress for parents and impacts society.

In her book, “Connecting with our Children,” Dr. Roberta Gilbert states, “Parents are the hope of civilization. Much depends on whether parents can connect in a meaningful positive way with each other and with their children. If they can, a generation may emerge ready to tackle and reverse some ominous trends.”

Given all that parents are up against in this day and age, observing Global Day of Parents provides an opportunity for each of us to encourage parents everywhere. Offering a kind word, listening to their concerns or showing patience and understanding can mean so much to a struggling parent. Too often parents experience judgement, criticism and competition from others instead of support, encouragement and understanding. As neighbors, friends and family, we have the opportunity to be a resource to other parents rather than a stressor.

Ministering to parents and families is a profound opportunity for the faith community. Dr. Lisa Miller, author of “The Spiritual Child,” did significant research at Columbia University on the role of spirituality in the lives of children. Her research demonstrated that spiritual experiences can help children navigate peer pressure, deal with crises, and avoid alcohol and drugs.

Miller writes, “The essential developmental support that parents are uniquely positioned to provide includes early exposure, awareness, and cultivation of our spiritual assets, time and space, and spiritual social context.” When congregations strengthen and support parents in their efforts to nurture and guide their children, they truly give hope for generations to come.

In whatever way you choose to celebrate Global Day of Parents, I hope you will take the time to recognize the parents you encounter throughout your day. Whether your own parents, your neighbors or parents in your congregation, offer a word of gratitude, encouragement or support. Let them know you have confidence in them as they do the best they can to parent their children each and every day.

The Rev. Becky Evans Glass is Executive Director at Peninsula Pastoral Counseling Center, Newport News. She can be reached by email at beglass@peninsulapastoral.org.

Our brief visit reminded me that relationships play an important role in our lives. We need people with whom we can share life’s joys, challenges and heartaches. While social media may keep us up to date on important events, there is something unique and significant about having a conversation face to face with another.

When life is going well, our conversations may flow naturally and bring us joy and laughter, but what do we say to a friend facing a health issue, a relationship challenge or a significant loss? How do we respond to someone who is struggling in life?

Since the needs and concerns of friends and family members will vary, what one person finds helpful, another may not. This reality can lead people to distance and do nothing for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. Rationalizations for not making contact with someone may include: “I don’t know what to say,” “I feel powerless to help,” or “No matter what I say, it won’t be enough.”

A question I find myself asking from time to time is: “What is the help that helps?” “How can be a resource to another and not a stressor?”

In Cori Doerrfeld’s children’s book, “The Rabbit Listened,” a child named Taylor builds a tower with blocks. When it all comes tumbling down, Taylor is not sure where to turn. The story illustrates a series of animals who are quite confident they have the answer that will help Taylor feel better. Whether it is the chicken who thinks Taylor should talk about it, the bear who thinks Taylor should get angry or the ostrich who thinks he should just hide, Taylor does not take any of their well-meaning advice.

Later on, Taylor notices a rabbit in the distance who is simply present and listening. This turns out to be just what Taylor needs. By simply listening, a safe space is created where Taylor is able to process his loss and make plans to rebuild something new.

Parker Palmer, author and founder of the Center for Courage and Renewal, shares a valuable guideline with the groups he facilitates: “No fixing, advising, ‘saving’ or correcting one another.” This guideline is one I find to be a helpful reminder when listening to another’s struggle.

In the book of Job, we observe the various ways Job’s friends showed up for him in his time of great loss. For seven days, his friends sit with him quietly. They do not say a word, and their presence seems to comfort and console. It is only later that they begin to question Job’s relationship to God and speak words of judgment. They attack his character, and blame him for his circumstances. If only they had continued their silent posture of compassion and patience.

The parable of the Good Samaritan is also a wonderful example of what it means to love our neighbor and respond to someone in need. While two men passed by the wounded man on the side of the road, the Samaritan stopped, bandaged his wounds and journeyed with him to a place where he was able to receive the care he needed.

Ultimately, I’d like to think people do the best they can when they encounter someone who is struggling — whether the person is a friend, family member or even a stranger. Some people might just show up and sit in silence. Others might provide care or share resources. Hopefully, all might be willing to offer the gift of listening. Sometimes people just want to be heard.

The Rev. Becky Evans Glass is executive director at Peninsula Pastoral Counseling Center in Newport News. She can be reached by email at beglass@peninsulapastoral.org.

Not-knowing can add novelty and adventure to our lives and give us a break from our usual routines. At the same time, when it comes to important matters, not-knowing can lead to anxiety and sleepless nights. This may be especially true when it comes to decisions involving our life’s work.

Having served in campus ministry for several years prior to my pivot to pastoral care and counseling, I recall many conversations with students who were trying to figure out what to major in, whether to go to grad school or which career path to take. Being in a state of not-knowing was made even more difficult when they felt pressure from family and friends who had well-meaning advice.

In my work today, I also have opportunities to engage in conversations with people who are facing retirement with mixed emotions. They, too, find themselves in a state of not-knowing. In his book “On the Brink of Everything: Grace, Gravity, & Getting Old,” author and educator Parker Palmer writes about his own journey of life transitions and work.

“Our youth-oriented culture,” writes Palmer, “sends a message to elders that can discourage and defeat us: ‘It’s time to withdraw from serious engagement with a world that’s changing so rapidly you can’t possibly keep up. So, take up harmless hobbies and hang out at home.” The author is quick to point out that this is problematic because it not only “robs older folks of sources of vitality, meaning, and purpose,” but it also “robs the world of the gifts elders have to offer.”

At every age, adults will face major decisions and must live with the question of what to do next. Rather than feeling lazy, defeated, or frustrated while waiting for the clear pathway ahead, what if we actually saw periods of not-knowing as holy times, times of seeking, discovering. What if we welcomed times of not-knowing with humility, grace and courage?

American poet, Wendell Berry wrote a poem entitled “Real Work” where he describes our angst in this way:

It may be that when we no longer know what to dowe have come to our real work,and that when we no longer know which way to gowe have come to our real journey.The mind that is not baffled is not employed.The impeded stream is the one that sings.

His poem challenges us to consider the possibility that having more questions than answers may actually serve to strengthen our faith and courage. This was the story for Abraham and Sarah when they left their homeland Ur. It was Naomi and Ruth’s story when they experienced the sadness and grief of losing their husbands. Even Jesus’ disciples encountered many obstacles and periods of not-knowing, but by faith they followed. When Peter and James left their fishing nets, I imagine they had no idea what they would soon learn and discover along the way.

As I experienced the natural wonders and beauty of South Korea during my travels, I took delight in waterfalls and streams along my hiking trails. The water rushing over the rocks created soothing sounds that calmed my spirit. Truly, it is the “impeded stream that sings.” Maybe these times of not-knowing as “baffling” as we find them, could be “singing” to us and reminding us of an ever-present hope of hidden blessings yet to be revealed.

With Labor Day approaching, perhaps pausing to reflect on our real work will enable us to celebrate achievements, face ambiguity with courage and seek next steps with humility. There may just be a richness in the state of not-knowing after all.

The Rev. Becky Evans Glass is executive director at Peninsula Pastoral Counseling Center, Newport News. She can be reached by email at beglass@peninsulapastoral.org.

The news of the shooting was announced to her group that morning by an individual who did not realize that she had children at that particular school. She recalled how she left in a hurry, filled with fear, not knowing whether her children were among those who died that day.

Her story was heartbreaking to me. It made me realize how many mothers live in fear for their children’s safety on a daily basis as they send them off to school or out to play with friends. It reminded me how many parents experience fear every time their teenager drives off in a car. Traumatized by violence, so many communities are suffering. I know it should not be this way for any parent or child.

The violence in the world in which we live continues to disturb me. Most recently, our hearts ache for those impacted by the mass shooting on the 4th of July in Highland Park, Illinois, where people were celebrating Independence Day. This unexpected violence at the annual parade caused the senseless deaths of seven people including a father who died protecting his son. More than 40 others were wounded by the gunfire or injured amidst the panicked crowd.

This tragedy follows a long list of random shootings that have taken place at churches, movie theaters, workplaces, concerts, grocery stores and schools. The rise in violent crimes continues to impact not only our country, but also Virginia and Hampton Roads. Due to gun violence, countless individuals and families have lost mothers, fathers, siblings, children, spouses, friends and co-workers. They are remembered every day.

Perhaps it is only natural to feel a lack of control and to question our ability to protect ourselves and those we love. At times, it may be tempting to feel hopeless, but it is critical that we work together to discover ways we can address violence in our community.

Many will say we need to address mental health, and we do. While mental health awareness and treatment are critical to the health and well-being of a community, the truth is most people who struggle with mental illness are victims of violence, not the perpetrators.

Many will say we need to address the availability of weapons and legislation on gun control, and we do. Gun Violence Archive, a non-profit which tracks gun deaths and injuries, reports that there are about two suicides for every homicide.

Many will say we need to confront racial inequities in our neighborhoods if we are going to move forward, and we do. The Centers for Disease Control reports “Black Americans are 10 times more likely than white Americans to die from gun violence. Even worse, Black children and teens are 14 times more likely to die from gun homicide than their white counterparts.”

Many will say we need to address environmental factors such as violence found in movies, television, the internet and video games, and we do. Exposure to violence puts people at risk for becoming desensitized to violence and thus accepting it as normal.

So where do we begin? I recently listened to an interview with Dr. Susan Sorenson, a professor at the University of Pennsylvania who directs the Ortner Center on Violence and Abuse. Advocating a multi-faceted approach, Sorenson named the past efforts of public health to reduce vehicle crashes on the highways. Reducing speed limits, wearing seat belts, changing the design of cars and introducing driver’s education in schools were all needed. Sorenson emphasized that mass shootings and gun violence will also need a comprehensive approach.

What part could faith communities play in a comprehensive approach to stop violence? My church recently participated in a workshop sponsored the Virginia Center for Inclusive Communities. The presentation and discussions were inspiring. I was reminded that it is not enough to be sad or angry about hatred and violence, we are called to take action. Our congregation was challenged to reflect on the things that we need to start doing, stop doing and continue doing. I left with the hope that there is a lot that people of faith can do to promote a positive, healthy and peaceful community.

I was reminded of the Prayer of Saint Francis, which has appealed to people of diverse faiths.

“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me bring love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is darkness light, and where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love, for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.”

How different our world would be if instead of escalating violence by responding with hatred, aggression and quarreling among ourselves, we modeled a way of living and being in the world that diminished fear and violence by responding with compassion, courage and love. What would it be like to pass down stories of hope to the next generation?

As it turned out, the mother whose children encountered a shooter at their school was able to share a story of hope with me. Her children were among the survivors on that tragic day, though one daughter sustained a gunshot wound that injured her arm. Her daughter’s journey towards healing has not been easy, but she is grateful to be alive. Unfortunately, not everyone’s story ends this way.

The Rev. Becky Evans Glass is executive director at Peninsula Pastoral Counseling Center in Newport News. She can be reached by email at beglass@peninsulapastoral.org

According to a report from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, nearly 4.3 million people quit their jobs this past January, which follows a record year where close to 48 million exited their jobs in 2021. While that is a lot of departures, it also means that there are a lot of job openings.

The workplace can be a stressful place. Teachers are facing the challenges of keeping students healthy and safe in the classroom. Health professionals are navigating the pressures of keeping up with the demand for services. Many nursing homes are struggling to find enough staff to provide quality care for residents. Even churches strive to find clergy and staff to carry out the work of ministry.

There are various reasons for what has been called the “Great Resignation.” Whether burnout, lack of childcare, need for more flexibility or higher pay, many workers are simply looking for something new. The pandemic prompted people to reflect and consider what is most important in life. Perhaps, many employees came to the conclusion that life is too short to stay in a job where they did not feel energized or fulfilled.

Recognizing that more than half of our life is spent at work, the late Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Thi?n Buddhist monk, author and poet, wrote, “The way we live our lives and the way we earn our living is crucial to our joy and happiness.” His book, “Work: How to Find Joy and Meaning in Each Hour of the Day” invites readers to find meaning in each work day.

Interestingly, the Harvard Business Review reported that nine out of 10 employees would be willing to make compromises such as lower compensation in order to pursue meaningful work. Lately, I’ve been thinking about what makes work meaningful. Over the past two years, I’ve listened to many stories of people who are asking the same question.

People find work meaningful when they are able to see a purpose beyond themselves. They want to make a difference and have a positive impact on their community. The student learns, the patient heals, the equipment is fixed, the crop is harvested. Not all work has tangible results, but if employees believe they are making a difference in the world, they feel a certain satisfaction or fulfillment.

Work is meaningful when people are able to connect their values, talents and passions to the needs of the world. In order to make this connection, they have to know what is important to them and let those priorities guide them towards meaningful work. Theologian Frederick Buechner notes that the word “vocation” is from the Latin “vocare,” which means to call. Buechner writes, “The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s needs meet.”

I recently met a woman who had been working for a company in Atlanta for more than 30 years. I expressed interest in her work and asked her what she enjoyed about it. She was quick to say that it wasn’t so much the work itself, but the people with whom she works. She found meaning in working with a team. Work is meaningful when coworkers develop teamwork, trust and connection.

In Benedictine spirituality, work is meaningful when we continue the creative work that God wants done. Benedictine writes, “Work is co-creative. Keeping a home that is beautiful and ordered and nourishing and artistic is co-creative. Working in a machine shop that makes gears for tractors is co-creative. Working in an office that processes loan applications for people who are themselves trying to make life more humane is co-creative. We work because the world is unfinished and it is ours to develop.”

There is much work to be done in the world today, and in order to make progress, it will require people with many different talents and skills to step up and commit to serve for the greater good.

The Rev. Becky Evans Glass is executive director at Peninsula Pastoral Counseling Center in Newport News. She can be reached by email at beglass@peninsulapastoral.org

In their book, “Working with Spiritual Struggles,” Ken Pargament and Julie Exline noted, “COVID-19 posed an existential crisis, threatening and destroying the lives of people all over the world, throwing our economies into a tailspin, disconnecting people from their webs of support, forcing major disruptions of many hopes and dreams. But COVID-19 was more than an existential crisis. For many of us, it was a spiritual crisis as well — shaking, damaging, or destroying those things we hold most sacred.”

Though most of us prefer calm, predictable lives, we know all too well that struggles are a part of life. Whether we face the challenges of change, transition, or uncertainty, we have learned to accept that there are times in life when we will all struggle.

Throughout the pandemic, we have faced physical struggles to stay healthy and strong as well as mental health struggles to endure, hope, and stay calm. We want to be our best in mind and body, but what about our spirit? What happens if our struggle is a spiritual one?

According to Pargament and Exline, spiritual struggles are “expressions of tension, conflict, or strain that center around whatever people view as sacred.” Spiritual struggles involve a process of grappling with concerns and questions such as: “Who am I?” “Why am I here?” “How should I live my life?” or “How do I make sense of suffering?”

Triggered by mental health issues or life stressors, spiritual struggles are real. Pargament and Exline state, “Like the spices of a wonderful dish that go unidentified but are a critical part of the recipe, spiritual struggles are an often hidden but integral part of life.”

In a letter to her spiritual director, Mother Teresa once wrote, “I am told that God loves me — and yet the reality of darkness and coldness and emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul.” Her spiritual struggle was real.

After the death of his wife, C.S. Lewis penned “A Grief Observed,” in which he wrote, “Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery’s shadow or reflection: the fact that you don’t merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief.”

Spiritual struggles are woven throughout scripture in the lives of the prophets and kings, disciples and apostles. Moses struggled in the wilderness. Hannah struggled with her inability to bear a child. Elijah struggled in a cave hiding from his enemies. King David struggled with tremendous guilt after his failure. Even Jesus struggled in the Garden of Gethsemane as he faced the difficult road ahead of him.

Pargament and Exline name several types of spiritual struggles that people may face, including divine struggles, interpersonal struggles or moral struggles. Divine struggles occur when there is anger or disappointment with God. The struggle may involve feeling punished or abandoned by God. Interpersonal struggles can take place when conflicts arise with other people or institutions concerning sacred issues. When people wrestle internally with tension and guilt, they may find themselves experiencing a moral struggle. When faced with adversity, people may struggle with doubts and feel confused about religious/spiritual beliefs.

Though spiritual struggles are a natural and normal part of life, they can generate distress and disorientation. Spiritual resources can help people navigate a spiritual struggle. For some, this may include readings from scripture or sacred texts, prayer or mindfulness meditation. Connecting in a small group or supportive community where there is respect, active listening, and no judgement can create a safe environment where people can move towards wholeness.

Pargament and Exline conclude that as distressing as spiritual struggles may be, they also create opportunities for development and growth. My colleagues attested to that truth. As our conversation about the impact of the pandemic continued, words like “creativity,” “endurance,” “resilience,” and “adaptability” also began to emerge.

The Rev. Becky Evans Glass is Executive Director at Peninsula Pastoral Counseling Center, Newport News. She can be reached by email at beglass@peninsulapastoral.org